See Dubs Stuffs, Translation-In Which Angels Are Invoked

Dear Lily June,

I made it through the night, though I can’t say I didn’t lean a little on the blues. I mean this literally and figuratively. Multiple medical studies have linked quitting smoking–especially in those who experienced darkening depressive episodes before ever lighting up–to an increase in depression. What a shocker, huh? People who were more inclined to have a negative view of life might be more apt to pick up a habit where they slowly court death. The heart bone’s connected to the hurt bone.

But as I told your dad in an email this morning, we’re wrestling with our demons (withdrawal, depression, cravings and crankiness) today in order to get to our better angels tomorrow. One angel that sees me through is you, Lily. One angel is your father. One seemingly improbable angel is my own ex-alcoholic father.

At almost sixty, he put down the bottle he’d spent a lifetime crawling into. Has that put a smooth spit-shine on his halo? No, Lily. But the lesson of your Grandpa Edward’s late-life sobriety is this: One can always change, if one is so inclined. It is never too late to try and never impossible to surprise yourself with what you find can be achieved.

***

When I was just a girl, your grandfather introduced me, through the soulful sounds of a slide guitar, to an alternative blues musician who couldn’t, ultimately, overcome his own demons. Chris Whitley died at forty-five from lung cancer, and to see his interviews and concerts online now, I see the spectre of death always hovering over his lower lip. For some of us, the smoke rings are blown into handcuffs.

I listened to the gravel grit of his pain last night, playing his music over and over to remind me of an end I don’t want to see. One line always haunts me in a song that pulls as unconsciously at the back of my mind as my lungs unconsciously pull at air. In “Scrapyard Lullaby,” Chris Whitley croons in the chorus,

“Like a walking translation on a street of lies, / [I’m] singin’ these scrapyard lullabies.”

If I had one definition of poetry to offer to anyone, former students or current blog readers or you, my darling daughter, it would be this: “a walking translation on a street of lies.”

There are, in this life, literal truths everywhere: Nothing rhymes quite perfectly, in English, with the color “orange.” Gravity pulls our feet toward the earth. 2 + 1 = 3. Poetry trucks in some of these when a poet makes a pronouncement of some seemingly indisputable point, known as a “declarative truth.”

But poetry is also interested in the emotional truth, and this is what gets translated across the all-too-frequent lies of denial from those who would claim the literal is all that matters: To a girl attempting to understand how her father’s addiction both fit and didn’t into her own life, orange is the color of the light shining through the cracks in a door hinge to her past. Hope is a puppet string that yanks our heart’s love against the gravity of our beloved’s flaws. Two lovers plus one Lily equals infinity.

To use words to penetrate into the indisputable arguments of the mind and the memory and the heart? This, my darling daughter, is poetry.

***

To explain the “Poetry as Translation” theory to my former students, I would give them two assignments. The first was given to me by my own former poetry teacher, Ilya Kaminsky, at a writer’s conference in Port Townsend, Washington. Born in the former Soviet Union city of Odessa and partially deaf from a very young age, Kaminsky was no stranger to what it means not just to speak, but to live, in translation.

He would set a passage by Marina Tsvetaeva, written in its original Russian, down in front of his English-speaking students and say, “Make this a poem.” And we would stare at a language we couldn’t read and imagine the shapes of the letters themselves carried some secret truth. And we would translate, knowing the best of us would never get to Tsvetaeva’s truth, but even the worst of us would come to some sense of our own. Then, to revise this raw material, he would say, roughly, to take away or revise any line that didn’t make the poem more beautiful.

Lily, even if you don’t ever want to be a writer, engaging in an exercise like this can teach you the magic ticking behind every letter of every word of every sentence of every language. If you want a prompt, take any of the sentences below, written in languages that I know won’t be your first, and “translate them” into what you believe, by their appearance alone, they mean:

  • Comme une marche dans une rue de traduction réside, je suis le chant ces parc à ferrailles berceuses.
  • Wie eine Übersetzung zu Fuß auf der Straße liegt, bin ich singen diese Verschrottung Schlaflieder.
  • 喜欢徒步的翻译在街的谎言、我唱着这些废物堆的摇篮曲。
  • Jak spacery tłumaczenie na ulicy kłamstwa, ja śpiewam te złomowisko kołysanek.
  • Como una traducción caminando en una calle de mentiras, estoy cantando estas nanas depósito de chatarra.

Now, in your “poem”–as in your life–take away or change anything that doesn’t make it more beautiful.

***

The other assignment I would give my students would be to read a poem, actually about angels, and quite literally translated into English from the original poet’s, Tadeusz Rózewicz’s, Polish by another poet, Joanna Trzeciak.

The poem is called “Homework Assignment on the Subject of Angels,” and you can scroll down on the link above to read it, if you’re so inclined.

Like the translation of “foreign” languages into poetry above, this poem takes a subject, angels, and “translates” it simile by simile into something we can imagine. There is a competition going on between the fallen angels and the angels still in heaven, but the war of the poem rages in how these unimaginably divine creatures must appear when they’re translated into the everyday ordinary images of humans. The language itself is simple, the spiritual imaginings anything but in lines like these about angels in heaven–

“like stars / they shine in shameful places / they are pure like triangles and circles / with silence / inside them” (ll. 20-24)

–or these about the fallen angels–

“fallen angels / are like the open windows of a morgue” (ll. 25-26).

There is no concept so complex, Lily, like angels or addiction or love, that you couldn’t “translate” in this way, seeing the otherworldly through the imaginative eyes of the literal. In my translation of faith, I do not see this as an act of blasphemy. There is something so frail, so sad, so tender, so pitiable and pathetic in the poets’ attempts to translate angels into cabbage leaves and bird skeletons. The angels appear all the more unknowable when compared to things which can be known, and thus their beauty shines all the more brightly when set up against the terribly real and the brutally mundane.

If you want the second prompt, it would be this:

  1. Title your poem “Homework Assignment on the Subject of _______________.” Fill in the blank.
  2. Then, write a poem in which you “translate” a complex topic into simple similes with each image getting to the truth of the subject matter.

***

Love lives in translation, too, Lily. Today, your father, even while repeatedly slamming his head against the struggle button of addiction, sent me an email thanking me for his life and for yours. That email says more than its words, Lily, which were heartbreaking and helpful as I, too, am struggling. They speak of years worth of priceless memories and moments that brought us to this point in our lives where we want, truly want, to break our bad habits. Every small word in a great love affair is a metaphor for the momentous ones that go unspoken, that maybe are unspeakable.

And though I wrote something loving back to your father, I couldn’t say all the meanings that were behind my words to him. I couldn’t tell him how, despite our inevitable fights and failings during our quitting process, I know, this time, we will make it to the other side. Because I do not have the words myself, I must steal them, Lily (as writers are wont to do).

To take one of my favorite passages of Abraham Lincoln ridiculously out of context (they were from an inaugural address in 1861 regarding the South’s unimaginable choice to secede from the Union), I offer this up to your father, who I know is reading this letter–maybe to you in his lap, maybe near you as you sleep soundly as a baby angel next to him on the couch–

“I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory…will yet swell…when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”

***

P.S. Blog Reader Challenge: Last time I did a Creative Writing post, I put my money where my mouth was and actually wrote a sestina. I will, indeed, write a Homework Assignment poem if anyone reads this post and offers me up a subject to fill in the blank with. I will also link to any and everyone who would take up the prompt themselves.

And Lily, if you, someday, read this post and write a poem yourself, I promise to hang it on the fridge proudly and beam at it repeatedly to the point where it may become my new addiction. You are poetry.

***

Picture Credits:

 

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “See Dubs Stuffs, Translation-In Which Angels Are Invoked

  1. Whiskey Cat says:

    “The angels appear all the more unknowable when compared to things which can be known, and thus their beauty shines all the more brightly when set up against the terribly real and the brutally mundane.” dunno if it’s the nicotine withdrawal or WHAT but you (and your writing) are just ON FIRE 🙂
    Thanks as always and thanks for the prompt!…I’m thinking, I’m thinking…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Amy says:

    As I was reading this, an Iindigo Girls song came on and this line rang: ” Every person’s got a deeper breath.” This is certainly true for you. Tears are welling all round my eyeballs. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. BunKaryudo says:

    I’m so glad you’ve kept going with this. Just as you said about your father and as I mentioned in my last comment about my mother, change is absolutely possible. (My Mother did get a bit, em… grumpy when she quit, but only at the beginning. Hang in there!)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. corriewright2013 says:

    Beautiful. We all have a lot we have to deal with whether together with someone or alone. Also, I see the bittersweet relationship you have with your father and it’s great to see how much you’ve had to deal with and still deal with as an adult. Great strength you have.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. dearlilyjune says:

      We all live with some pain, be it emotional or physical. And we all want to be listened to and understood. I admire *your* strength, Corrie, and I’m grateful that you help me to feel listened to (or at least read) so regularly! You have my appreciation, friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. No Size Two says:

    Although I am not currently going through a withdrawal phase of anything, I have done it in the past. All that jazz that it is for the greater good and you are changing for the better are great, but it won’t help in the smaller outlook of things. You know, the every minute of every day. So just get through the day, take a deep breath and the next day will get a little easier. Good luck and thank you for the beautiful writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Myndrover says:

    Okay, Alyssa, you might know I would be the one to give you a challenge. I don’t know why, but the subject of Domestic Violence is what came to my mind.

    Also, I know you commented on my “I’m Moving” post but for some reason it’s not showing in the reader anywhere. I would like to ask a favor of you because I value your opinion. Before I go live on January 1st with the new blog look, would you go to my test blog at http://fairies51.wordpress.com and tell me if you think I should just use the Site Identity and the simple header image, or do you think I should hide the site identity and use the header image shone in the first post. Your help is greatly appreciated.

    I would also welcome the input of any of your followers who read this comment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. dearlilyjune says:

      Thanks for raising the gauntlet. I don’t think I’m going to get a chance to write the poem today, but hopefully the weekend will bring a little writing time (unlikely with a little one, but there’s always hope for the new year!)

      I just mentioned this on your incredibly brave and moving post on your own blog (The Runaway, Part 6), but I get this message, “fairies51.wordpress.com doesn’t exist”, when I try to visit that link. I’m very technologically challenged, so it’s probably something I’m doing wrong!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. chui55 says:

    Hello, I really like your posts and writings. My blog is an attempt to try to explain to my 3grown daughters why I abandoned them. I. Was physically and emotionally abused and I have about 4 different mental illnesses. They went to live with my parents and I did try to tell them the reasons, but they don’t believe me. I have started this blog to attempt to let them know I do love them. Your writing helps me. Thank you☺

    Like

  8. the blended mama says:

    Nobody goes through life unscathed.we all have a lot to deal with at every point in our lives.but the struggles of our past have made us what we are today.better human beings.we are all over comers my dear friend.hug your baby angel tightly.your writing is remarkable.your light is shining through.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. chui55 says:

    Hi, I quit smoking August 9, 2015. I had gotten very sick with bronchitis, all I could do was cough constantlt. I kept smoking until every bone and musclee in my body hurt really bad. I said to myself that was enouhg. Why do I want to punish myself so badly, to drown in self pity. I decided I didnot deserve that anymore. I have been tempted a few times but I have not given in.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s